Freedom to move forward...

I had my surgery on Tuesday. I am so glad and grateful to be on the other side of all of that now...it seems so crazy that it's done. I am recovering at home and just reflecting on everything and I'm just really relieved, thankful and happy that my husband and I can finally move forward and that this weight has been lifted and we finally have some answers :)

It's nice to not be in the dark anymore, it feels good.

It turns out I have endometriosis (which he was able to go in and remove during my laproscopy), my tubes are perfectly clear and my uterus is slightly heart shaped but not bicornuate. Such good news!!!!! :)

When I came to after the surgery, the nurse gave me a note that my surgeon had written and it seemed like the news was bad because all he wrote was that I have endometriosis and made a drawing of a heart shaped uterus...I was out of it and had no idea what that meant...as soon as I was wheeled in to the recovery area and saw Jay's worried face waiting for me I broke into tears. I told him I didn't think it was good news. He read the note and then we decided to ask the nurses if we could speak to my Doctor to get clarification. He came to see us, and he said the actual diagnosis and then said, "so, get to it! Have a baby or two!" I was in shock...and on morphine...haha...but I was just SO relieved and SO happy.


My mom & Jay made the time spent in the hospital that morning waiting to go in for surgery bearable and even enjoyable and I am so thankful they were with me. THANK YOU <3

I didn't even get sick after the surgery :) It all went so smoothly and we got the best news imaginable for the situation we thought we were in. 

It's been a long time since I had that first Doctor's appointment in September 2010 to go over my results...and I've learned many lessons and learned many things about myself since then. I am stronger than I have ever been now and I can truly say I am so thankful to have gone through this experience - all of it. AND I am so thankful for the people that have supported me through this. I am so ready for what lies ahead, and I am so excited and so hopeful about the future.

<3 I made it past May 24, 2011 and I'm a better person for all I went through in between.


So...I guess we better "get to it!" as my Doctor said ;) haha

xoxo

Rayna

5 days...and a big thank you

Ok...so I haven't posted in awhile , since February to be exact and I've changed the entire layout of my blog... A LOT has gone down my friends....where to begin?
Well, the beginning of course ;) basically I wanted to change my blog because I've changed so much myself. I still love fashion, don't get me wrong (I love it more now that I can fit into more things lol) but my focus has shifted. I have spent the last 4 months focusing solely on myself and my health & well being...it has been quite a journey.
I have lost 20.2 lbs and gained so much at the same time - I am positive, upbeat, energetic and enthusiastic about my own life! What? I know, crazy right? If you would have asked me 4 months ago if I thought I would be where I am now mentally and physically...I would have laughed in your face. But, I am proud to say I proved myself wrong and it feels good. I still have 10 lbs to go but I feel more in control and focused than I have ever felt in my entire life.
Ok, ok...back it up just a bit. Right around the time I started this blog I was in a dark place - emotionally, spiritually, physically and I stayed there for a long time feeling out of control, helpless and hating myself all the while. Fast forward a little bit to September 2010 - my husband and I decided that we wanted to start to try to get pregnant. We were beyond excited...I have always had really irregular and painful periods and my husband and I had been kind of "trying" without trying for quite some time without any protection (about a year) and no pregnancy. My Doctor's solution to my concerns throughout my adult life regarding my periods etc was just to put me on the pill - good times...so anyways, now that my husband and I wanted to start trying I asked my Doctor if I could get thoroughly checked out to make sure that everything was ok in that area before we started trying for a baby.
I was sent for bloodwork and an internal/external ultra sound. When the results came back my Doctor's nurse called to make the appointment with me to go over the results...she said there was nothing to worry about...right...So anyway - I went in to see my GP and he told me that the technologist said it looked like I have a bicornuate uterus...I was like I bicornu-what? He explained (as best he could) the most basic details about it and told me some risks...Here is the best definition I have found to date:
 "A bicornuate uterus is a birth defect where the uterus does not form as it should. Instead of one whole uterus, there are usually two separate ‘horns’ that form the top of the uterus making it appear "heart shaped". If a fertilized egg implants in one of the horns, that pregnancy usually is not viable as the horns do have the normal uterine tissue to support a pregnancy, nor the space for a baby to grow. A bicornuate uterus can be associated with miscarriage, preterm delivery, fetal growth retardation, and an abnormal fetal presentation (breech or transverse), and sometimes various birth defects of the baby. A bicornuate uterus can be diagnosed by a combination of several techniques: ultrasound, MRI, HSG, hysteroscopy, or laparascopy.A bicornuate uterus should not cause infertility, but is associated with increased risks for miscarriage and preterm birth."
A lot of the times what looks like a bicornuate uterus in an ultra sound can also be a Septate uterus: A septate uterus is where the inside of the uterus is divided by a wall (septum). The septum may extend only part way into the uterus or it may reach as far as the cervix. This can sometimes be removed surgically.
SO...with all of that information plus my GP telling me that I potentially also have PCOS (Poly-cystic Ovary Syndrome) it was a LOT to take in and extremely frustrating not to get any answers on what to do from there...he basically told me that he needed to refer me to a gyno and that the wait times to get in would be 6-12 months... :(
Needless to say I was devastated, scared, defeated...and completely overwhelmed...
So my amazing parents decided to take me to a private Dr. in Vancouver where I was able to at least get some more information - but the costs were too high to go forward and do the laproscopy/hysteroscopy there so I came home and was put on the waiting list...

Although the visit was good, we really didn't get as many answers as we had hoped - but at least we had a starting point of steps to take. One thing the Dr. in Vancouver said to me that really stuck (because it was something I knew I had control over) was that getting myself within a healthy weight range can sometimes completely reverse the symptoms of PCOS. With that knowledge and knowing that it could be quite a wait to get in to see a Gyno in Edmonton I knew what I needed to focus on, ME and my health.

So that's what I did. I'm not going to lie and say that it was really easy because this has been the hardest 7 months of my life and there have been MANY ups and downs. The first 3 months was really rocky and I slid into a pretty deep depression...then when I was probably at my lowest my sister Sarah snapped me out of it. I called her on my way home from work like a normally did and was going on and on about how awful I was feeling...finally she said, "Rayna, I think you need to talk to someone...I don't know how to help you". That may sound harsh (believe me she didn't say it harshly - she sounded genuinely worried) I felt so awful, I thought...oh God, I don't want to be that girl! I don't want to be that girl that people avoid her phone calls because they don't want to hear her go ON & ON about that one thing...that's who I was becoming.

So, as much as it scared me - (in January by the way...haha) I set out on a mission to find someone to talk to, and it was a gift beyond any describable measure. I started seeing a psychologist at a Naturopathic clinic once every two weeks. Then I started reading a book called "Women, Food & God" by Geneen Roth, and at the same time I contacted a Registered Holistic Nutritionist that I had worked with before & signed up on this free site called My Fitness Pal at my sister's suggestion. AND my mother so graciously offered to share her personal training sessions at Prime twice a week with me. AND I started going back to church. This is where it all changed. These women, the church & that website (MFP) - my makeover army - armed me with the tools, lessons, motivation, inspiration and support to get me through this and come out on the other side a way better me than I ever imagined.

I feel stronger, more in control, more positive and self assured than I have ever felt in my life - through all of this I have learned to love myself for who I am and stop getting in my own way, I've learned patience, I've learned gratitude, I've learned persistence, determination & resilience, I've learned it's ok to ask for help when you need it, and I've learned that it's the people you surround yourself with that make the biggest difference in your life.

Most importantly I have learned that I am so blessed, I am so lucky and I look forward to every day - whatever it brings, because I know I can handle it.

There are some people that I need to thank officially if I can (I feel like I think I've won an Oscar or something :p) seriously though this is really important to me:

My husband: You will never know how much your constant support and unwavering confidence in me and my abilities has kept me going. You took the brunt of it, of all of my emotions, my irrational tirades, my tantrums and you loved me through it without fail. You are my everything, you are my heart - I thank God everyday for you.

My mom: You can't know the ways you've helped me through everything. You are my inspiration, you're who I work to be more like everyday. Your generosity, selflessness, love, grace, joy & support are humbling and inspiring. You are the most wonderful mother and best friend on this planet. You're the only one who could have made that trip to Vancouver fun. Whenever I think of it all I can see is us on the board walk laughing so hard that no sounds came out :) You are my workout partner in crime and I am so thankful for you

Sarah Riley:   You are my best friend, you are honest with me no matter what and you are one of the main reasons I was able to do this. If you hadn't said what you said to me on the phone that day - well, let's not go there ;) You inspire me everyday with everything you do: being an amazing mother, wife, sister, friend - all while working full time, working out, opening your home, helping others - I don't know how you do it ;) You amaze me dear sister.

Marie Tower: My RHN, but most importantly my dear friend - you changed my life. People would think it was just about the food/nutrition, but you made me work on the inside too. You inspired me to with your journey and your commitment to health, you taught me and continue to teach me so many meaningful lessons every week. I love our phone calls and can't believe that I have never met you in person! You inspired me to chase after my dreams and led me to my true calling. I am forever grateful.

Sarah Hickey: Sweet & deadly ;) haha...you have changed me - again, not only physically but mentally as well. You push my limits and when I tell you I can't, you call my bluff - you have done so much for me I don't think you really know. You inspire me to do more and you make me want to do more than I thought was possible. I look forward to every Monday & Friday that I get to spend with you (even if some days it doesn't seem like it! haha) seriously ;) You are amazing and I am so thankful that I get to work out with you.

Dr. Mandseth: I know she won't read this but I have to say it. Thank you for making me uncomfortable, thank you for not telling me the answers and making me figure things out for myself, thank you for giving me a safe place where I am free from judgment, thank you for making me cry, thank you for making me be honest, thank you for seeing me for who I am, thank you for teaching me, thank you for listening.

Anyways! Sorry this is so long...but the point of this blog post was to catch you up...and to say my surgery is  now only 5 days away...I have mixed feelings and it's funny but if you would have asked me 7 months ago the answer would be very different - but I really feel like this whole situation was a HUGE blessing in disguise, it made me focus & work on myself and it has been an amazing journey and I am completely ready for what comes next...

Thanks for reading

Rayna

I heart Jewellery

Just wanted to share quickly...as I have been a bad blogger...my newest find ~ these vintage earrings that I got from Etsy.com they are clip ons and they came in the original packaging and everything :) Only $4!!

Also wanted to share my new fav necklace from Stella & Dot =) Gorgeous! You really can't help but feel pretty when you wear it! I've already gotten three compliments on it today! ;)

http://stelladot.com/sites/rayna

http://www.etsy.com/listing/65935118/vintage-chippy-paint-mum-earrings?ref=sr_list_2&ga_search_query=Vintage%2BChippy%2BPaint%2BMum%2BEarrings&ga_search_type=vintage

My new glasses!

I am very excited! I just purchased these vintage glasses from Esty.com - they are from a Brother/Sister duo from the Netherlands that sell mod/vintage and have a great collection of vintage glasses.
Hoping they work out the way I envision....hmmmm ;)

http://www.etsy.com/transaction/41830151